At some point in our lives we must remove ourselves from constantly blaming others for things that are our responsibility. Our primary relationship with our parents has caused many character traits that come to haunt our adult relationships. Because of the conditioning of our society, many people have codependent tendencies with out even realizing it. Codependency can be such a weight upon a spouse’s shoulders laid confidently by the significant other that festers unhealthy expectations. In learning to communicate your feelings in a healthy way inside relationships is your responsibility that you will seek to benefit.

How to communicate healthfully

In learning to communicate in a healthy manner you need to accept that it will not feel welcomed on your first attempts but consistently trying will bring forth improvement. The first step is to embody the idea that all your feelings are okay and have validity. Based on how we were raised and what we have adapted from society we have created insecurities about our feelings. Don’t judge or dismiss them, but pay attention and learn from them to foster joy and peace within yourself and enrich your relationships.  As you seek to have a better understanding of your feelings spend time to write them down and describe them, find deeper meaning through uprooting covered emotions, try to figure out the trigger, pick a suitable time and place, listen more, include more ‘I’ expressions instead of ‘you’, offer solutions, and look at the bigger picture of how the changes will benefit everyone.

Healing Codependency

Healing from the nature to be codependent is possible. Start by removing the urge to be interwoven in other people’s problems. Take the time to experience your own emotions outside of your loved ones. Become connected to your own feelings again by ignoring the need to fix someone, give advice or choosing for someone. It’s important to learn to be responsible for your part. This happens by not blaming your loved one for your problems but becoming aware by accepting our responsibilities for matters we are in control of, like our happiness and wealth. Learning about ourselves is not the norm especially if you were raised in enmeshed codependent families. Part of our current awakening involves becoming aware of what these tendencies are. Understanding the self in a deeper manner even if it was not encouraged in your childhood is important and critical for success in relationships. Codependent families utilize fear to steer decisions. The lack of opportunity to become an individual encourages the persona of a shadow of one’s parent or caregiver which then is easily transferred to the spousal relationship. Healing from codependency requires that you please yourself first and understand that it is not selfish. It’s about not suppressing your feelings to please others or avoid a conflict. To heal, demands that you spend time to introduce yourself to yourself and be comfortable with that person outside of the views of others. Love yourself! This will take an effort of caring for yourself unconditionally beyond your flaws and mistakes. Practicing self-love and being honest with yourself by stating the things you like and don’t like, being confident about your opinions and owning them and engaging in fun activities.

How to develop healthy expectations of others

By putting less emphasis on what people think it will allow you to objectively appreciate the view of others. Other’s perspectives won’t become a ruler over how you conduct yourself. The dislike that is personally felt when others judge you should be thought of each time when you realize you are judging the behaviors of your mother, father, friend, spouse, child or other loved ones in your life. Take the time the to analyze your reasons without condemning yourself for it. Learning the reasons for condemning others will aid in your understanding of why others form unhealthy expectations.